Answering Justin Bieber's Question
WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
Now Justin, that is an excellent question. I am in a calmer and more balanced space compared to where I was this time last year. The constant war in my head is based on this: I don't know whether being in a calmer, more balanced space is a good thing or a bad thing. I want it to be a good thing, but Ana is telling me it's a bad thing. It gets tiring trying to argue with her, but I have to persist. The more you give in, the more she has an audience. So, it's up to me to fight her shrilling voice. I'm fighting against myself, for myself. It's a continuous struggle, and it drains me of my energy. But it must be done if I am ever to be free of her perilous grip.
I was very ill in 2014, and it grew progressively worse in the December holidays. I was scared, detrimentally malnourished, critically underweight, terse with the people I love most, emotionally isolated from my friends, and crying had become as frequent an occurence as breathing.
This Christmas, I am in a better space physically, but that doesn't mean I have recovered. I also feel that I have made progress in my strive for efficiently coping with my illness mentally. I feel like with the help of psychology sessions, in depth talks with my parents, and even this blog, I am getting closer to peace of mind.
In 2016, I will work towards this goal, as well as remembering my mantra:
This is my journey. I am learning to love myself one step at a time.
I can only hope that 2016 will be a year of learning, living, growth, and happiness. I will make it a tribute to God and the universe for the precious gift of life, to my family for holding me in their hearts and prayers, to my friends for always showing me love and grace, and reminding me that life is precious, and should be lived to the fullest, and to myself, as a reminder of my purpose, and that every human being deserves love, including myself.
I wish you and your family a blessed Christmas filled with joy, love, and laughter, and a peaceful New Year.
I can only hope that 2016 will be a year of learning, living, growth, and happiness. I will make it a tribute to God and the universe for the precious gift of life, to my family for holding me in their hearts and prayers, to my friends for always showing me love and grace, and reminding me that life is precious, and should be lived to the fullest, and to myself, as a reminder of my purpose, and that every human being deserves love, including myself.
I wish you and your family a blessed Christmas filled with joy, love, and laughter, and a peaceful New Year.
XO
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