Happy holidays!

The creative essay you are about to read was written during my Prelim English Paper 3 exam. We were given a choice of essay topics that would inspire our creative writing. I chose to write an essay stemming from one of the options, a quote, which said: 

"There is no sincerer love than the love of food." - George Bernard Shaw. 

I achieved 100% for this essay, and it was later published in our school magazine. I was very proud of myself. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

*TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder (anorexia nervosa)*

Skinny Love Won't Feed Your Soul

George Bernard Shaw, a world famous playwright, once said, "There is no sincerer love than the love of food." Certainly, the relationship that one cultivates with food should be sincere and healthy. However, after being guided by my own experience, I have found that this relationship is not as easy as it seems.

When you first enter into a new relationship with your down feathers and quivering legs, your young mind already has some kind of knowledge as to what a relationship entails: You have studied the Life Orientation textbooks, and watched countless, sappy romantic comedies starring the likes of Ryan Gosling and Anne Hathaway to know that any relationship, if built on the foundations of trust, openness, and respect, will grow into a lifelong relationship. This too can be applied to the relationship one builds with food, and will determine how sincere the love in this relationship is. 

This, however, does not come without trials and tribulations. Like in any relationship, food will take you on an emotional journey that could either make you feel invincible, or irrevocably crush your spirit. I experienced the latter. For a long time, I refused to be open to food, and denied it a place in my heart. I convinced myself that food did not deserve me, and that I would be a better person without it. I gave food what they refer to in relationships as the "Silent Treatment." I did not look at food, touch food, nor entertain the idea of being with food. "I will show food that I'm above its power," I thought to myself. "I will teach it that it cannot come into my life, manipulate my body, and expect me to accept this as a form of love. I will live a full life, and grow and future myself independently, without food."

After I had put up arms against food, I became numb. I became a fragment, a fleeting ghost of the girl I had once been. I had no love in my life; not from food or from myself. I knew I needed it back. I craved the way it filled me, the joy it gave me, the love it shared with me. But, I had slipped too far from its warm embrace for it to save me from my own self-deprecation. 

I thought I would become powerful. I thought I would rise above food like an eagle above a stagnant mountain range. Instead, I had become like the ore, trapped beneath the bulge of the mountain. Time was running out for me. The oxygen in my lungs was diminishing; the life from my eyes was dying. And the pain in my heart was excruciating. The last thing that was on my mind before the night's cold fingers clutched and clawed my body was of food. I thought of all the memories we had shared, and all of the adventures we could have had together. I thought of the love we had shared, and how I had ripped that love to pieces out of my own selfish fear.

Suddenly, a voice rang out through the darkness. It was a sweet voice filled with hope and promise. You would expect it to be a fluttering whisper as soft as a butterfly kiss, but it thundered through the wind, and filled every chasm and empty crevice with warmth and light. The voice said to me, "I am here." That was all it said, and all it had to say for me to understand. I realised then that all food had wanted from me was acceptance. It craved my love and affection, just as I had craved it once. From there, I realised that food had only ever been selfless with me, and wanted my mind and body to grow in each step in our relationship, and right when I had needed it the most, I had pushed it away.

Food and I decided to go for Couples Counselling together. Our relationship became healthier over time as we nursed each other back to life. We went to new places together, and introduced each other to new people. Our love grew stronger and fonder as the days rolled by, and I have never been more happy, nor felt more loved and nourished in my life.

Of course there are days when we do not see eye to eye, but then I remember our love, the sincerest love I have ever known, and I cannot help but run into its arms, hungry for more.